Rhythm Bastard Pleased With Sucess Of Announcement Of Announcement

SEPTEMBER 14TH, 2010. FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: RHYTHM BASTARD PLEASED WITH SUCCESS OF ANNOUNCEMENT OF ANNOUNCEMENT.

NEW YORK, NY. Rhythm Bastard, who recently announced that he would make an announcement, boasts of his recent success:
"I got like, a million hits from just the idea that I'll be announcing something."

Records show he only received 16 hits. 7 of those were counted twice.

Will it be big? The Rhythm Bastard seems to think so: "With all these posts related to my as of yet unmade announcement of something big, it can't possibly be a letdown! Like Daiktana! Or the box-office draw to Scott Pilgrim vs The World" The latter being a movie staring Michael Cera based off a series of Graphic Novels by Bryan Lee O'Malley. The former is bieng turned into a movie starring Michael Cera and will be released in 2013.

His accountant Phil had this to say: "As a running joke that nobody gives a shit about as well as an accountant, this is a huge failure. He doesn't even sell anything, and barely bothers to network. For the love of God, please get me out of here. This man keeps me chained in his parents basement"

The Rhythm Bastard's father is equally unimpressed with the success of the announcement: "I don't care if my generation turned into a bunch greedy fucks and would rather make a profit than hire new people to ease the workload, I'm tired of him on the goddamn computer and playing his goddamn guitar."

His mother's take on the event is unorthodox, to say the least "Could you do me a favor and bring the laundry basket down?" She said, standing next to said laundry basket with perfectly functioning legs.

Regardless, the Rhythm Bastard remains steadfast that his announcement will bring him even more success: "Read my lips. I will make you my bitch."

He then proceeded to physically abuse his accountant, Phil.

The Rhythm Bastard had originally started a blog to chronicle his learning of the songs from the original Rock Band music video game. Now he does this shit and writes his own songs. His only claim to fame was posting the Guitar Hero: Arcade setlist.

He also has a song about Axe Cop available for download. Other songs can be downloaded via his Newgrounds Page.

Vector Calculations

It's been an interesting experience making RBN tracks, and I'd like to do it again, especially my own. However, it's hard to get a band interested due to the industry standard being at around $1000. Sure, you keep the royalties (at least all the good ones let the bands keep the profits), but if you're a small band looking for a way to get to millions of people, what are you to do? And what about us track makers who spend hours hammering out everything? We did the work, compensation is expected.

Therein lies the problem when you have a band that can't afford the up front costs. If you are one of the "biggies" of the RBN Authoring world, you can either find someone who can pay or break a deal.

One deal I was thinking about, and I'm posting here so we can have a debate on the ethics of the situation, is similar to that of Vector Marketing, or CutCo, to anyone who can do five seconds of research.

Yes, that scam we've all heard about and seen on college bulletin boards. Basically, here's the rundown:
1. Gullible student takes number from poster, calls it, breezes through interview, and gets hired as an "independent contractor".
2. Pays $150 for a "sample" set.
3. Is asked to bug friends and family to sell overpriced knives.
4. ???
5. PROFIT, but only if you're a douche to loved ones.

It's all commission based, and as you sell more, you get more commission. The logic behind that is, since first, you'll be selling to family and friends who'll take pity on your sorry ass, and be more likely to sell, that's when most of your money goes to the higher-ups. Fewer people sell a shitton, so obviously, the system works. There's more info on that at the links I've embedded.

Now, why do I propose a Vector Marketing/Cutco style system? Am I a scummy asshole too? No, I'm just good at math. The plan works the same way: Sell more songs, get more royalties. But, there are a couple distinct advantages:
1. A RBN song is only $1-2, not $900 like some Cutco products.
2. It's digital, so technically it can be purchased a lot of times simulataneously.

All that crap aside, here's how I break it down: If you pay a company that authors a song for a flat fee and lets you keep all the royalties, you begin in the hole. The authors get their compensation, but the focus here is on the artists. To make that initial, let's say $1000 back, you'll need to sell 3500 tracks. You might make that up in merch sales, you might not. With my system, you pay nothing, and by the time you reach that 3500 sales mark, it's about 60-40. Not exactly fair, but better than it was.

Let's take a look at the Vector system, vs. a flat fee (assuming .30 profit on a $1 song):
Up to 500th Download (90% goes to author)
Normal- Artist down $850
Vector- Author makes $135, Artist ahead $15

501-1000th Download (80% to author)
Normal- Artist down $700
Vector- Author up $255, Artist ahead $45

1001-1500th Download (70%)
Normal-Artist down $550
Vector- Author up $360, Artist ahead $90

1500-2000th Download (60%)
Normal- Artist down $400
Vector- Author up $450, Artist ahead $150

2001-2500th Download (50%)
Normal- Artist down $250
Vector- Author up $525, Artist ahead $225

2501-3000th Download (40%)
Normal- Artist down $100
Vector- Author up $585, Artist ahead $315

3001-3500th download (30%)
Normal- Artist ahead $50
Vector- Author up $630, artist ahead $420

Now, all of these numbers are adjustable, and I want feedback from other authors before I deem this legit.

It's only one possibility. I'm not springing it on anybody, and for a fan work (like Akira the Don) I'm going to be more apt to do it on their terms, because, hey, I like them, I like Rock Band and I want to see them succeed.

Fur And LARPing At I-Con

No, don't expect a full write-up, but I was at I-Con at Stony Brook University this weekend. While there, I decided to give random people a CD of the songs I made so far, including a secret one JUST RECORDED.

Hopefully of the 5 demo CDs I gave out, one of you got curious and decided to check me out.

Well, just to sum things up, here's the rundown:
This site originally started as a way for me to track my progress learning the songs from the original Rock Band game on guitar. Once I started playing Open Mics and expanding my repertoire, the blog now features Rock Band news, as well as my own stuff published under the Rhythm Bastard.
I will do the occasional song update like I used to, where after I learned a song, I write up a bit about the trickiest or most interesting parts.
All the songs learned so far, as well as accompanying tabs can be found on

THE SETLIST

So if you're looking to offer your opinion, or (hopefully) your expertise, feel free to contact me, or post up a comment.

How did I get the idea for the demos?
So, I'm there when my accountant Phil calls me:
Phil From Accounting: Um, while you're up there, why don't you do a little promotion? You made some songs, why not burn them on a CD and give them out at your table?
Rhythm Bastard: Wow, Phil, what a great idea!
PFA: Really?
RB: Until I actually thought about it, fuckface. Tables cost money I don't have, and nobody wants to buy a CD with only 3 songs!
PFA: Three songs, you mean you finished-
RB: Boning your wife? Yes. Besides, I'd rather other fun stuff like watch anime, buy some crappy little pins, tell furries to yiff in hell, bone some fat chicks...
PFA: I'm just saying, there are a lot of musical acts there, and it might be something to think about.
RB: Pfft... Like who?
PFA: AeroSith

RB: They were interesting to watch, I'll give them that. But they didn't really perform, the synced up to backing tracks.
PFA: Well, the guy there said-
RB: What guy?
PFA: The guy assisting with the show who wore a Jar Jar Binks costume said that they do record all the instruments live, but at shows they have to play it over a boom-box because of their costumes.
RB: Really? You trust an Episode 1 character?

PFA: *watches link* *70 minutes later* Wow, that was really funny! Thanks for that!
RB: I also boned your ex-wife 3 times.
PFA: No, I'm not letting you get to me! I know you lie about my wife!
RB: Ex-wife...
PFA: WHATEVER! Devo Spice was there as well...
RB: Like MC Lars, only less fresh. He's more... "dope".
PFA: Marc Gunn...
RB: “The Godfather of Celtic Music Online”? That's... specific. The I'm "The Emperor Of Muay Thai/Rock Band in New York Who Is Currently Wearing A Red Shirt and Makes Music"
PFA: You don't know Muay Thai.
RB: Yeah, but I know more than everyone else in New York who also makes rock music and plays Rock Band wearing a red shirt, so there.
PFA: Lastly, Voltaire.
RB: Shit, Stony Brook can revive dead people? I guess they really are a top research university.
PFA: No, he's a musician. He made a song called "Brains!!!" for The Grim Adventures Of Billy and Mandy

"He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man"
RB: Oh, sorry, I'm an adult who does adult things. I don't watch cartoons.
PFA: He drew quite the crowd, and seemed to put on a really fun show. For "Goth Music", they had some pretty funky rhythms, like mariachi.


RB: Pfft... Damn manchildren. Why can't they grow up and be responsible like me? I don't watch anime, or collect nerdy stuff, or read, or jack off, or play video games-
PFA: Um, that last one is kinda-
RB: Or fursecute, or dress up in costume, or read comics books, or play Dungeons and Dragons. I think I'm missing some stuff.
PFA: Yet you were at I-Con.
RB: Cognitive Dissonance is a bitch. Oh, and I don't wear really sweet goggles.


PFA: Wait, what? You don't own those. You could, but-
RB: But the lady wanted $20 for it.
*silence*
PFA: Please kill me.
RB: Nah, I'll let the Carbon Monoxide in my basement take care of that.

So, welcome I-Con Demo CD people! All 5 of you!

200th Post Party!

So, OPEN MIC NIGHT LAST NIGHT WOO!!! Good thing it's getting warmer, and even my fellow New Yorkers are beginning to take notice.

"Radio Days Pt. 1"-****
Did a bit better on the solo, but still need to work on those chords.

"Holiday"-****
Looking at the playback, I HATE my voice, but I had a lot of fun. My favorite anecdote of the night is that when I said "ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?", I actually got a "meh".
"That is the most lackluster response to that question I have ever heard."

Meanwhile the guy playing John Mayer gets applause...

OK, more stuff! Uh, 200 posts, wow... Phil, bring me up to speed here...

Phil: Um, so let's see, since the past 100 posts, you've
Learned 29 songs,
Played 4 open mics,
Got a bar gig, and
Produced three songs of your own.
RB: Super!
PFA: You're top three countries are the U.S., the UK, and Austraillia!
RB: I don't want my fans to be convicts or wussies who make me paranoid and fuck up my Heavy kill streaks!
PFA: Make you paranoid?
RB: Jack Thompson was right. Thanks to Team Fortress 2, I'm always on the lookout for snipers.
PFA: That's... not an unreasonable thing...
RB: I also murder Red Sox fans.
PFA:...
RB: What? I'm a Yankee man. AND SPEAKING OF YANKS, I'm making a Rock Band Network Track for Akira The Don! He's like an All-American grain of Sand In The Ocean.
PFA: But Sir, he's Welsh.
RB: I pay you to cheat on my taxes, not to think!
(gunshots)

Keeping Up With The Bastards

As it's become heir apparent, I've been putting less time in to learning Rock Band songs, and more time in RBN and my own music.

There's been two reasons for that:
1. I feel like I need to update if there's no song done, which is why I might skip Train Kept A Rollin' and Green Grass and High Tides. Like most of these upper tier songs, the main riff is simple, followed by a 2 minute long solo. As much as an accomplishment those two songs are, I just can't see myself memorizing all of that at a rate where I'd have regular updates. I could do smaller updates, but it feels like a cop-out when I crank one of those out.

2. Playing other people's songs has given me a penchant for playing my own. I know everything I do is bootleg right now (PUNK RAWK DON'T CARE). My guitar playing is slightly better than total amateur, my singing voice sucks, and I can't write a drum part.

I am up to learning the solo to "Flirtin' With Disaster", and that's really the cut off for me as far as solo lengths go.

Now, on to shit that's been occupying me time:
RBN- Working on the vocals for "Steven Wells". "OMG HE TALKS SO FAST! THE VERSES ARE THE HARDEST PARTS!" I say. Then come the choruses: "Oh, you tone-def Bastard. Clearly I'm the greater niusance! Automatic voice charting has given you nothing!" Then I smack Phil around for a few minutes and have some tea.
Hopefully soon I can get the drum tabs from ATD. If not, I need someone with a good ear for drums.

My Music- I have a few songs in the pipeline. A country-style song, "Radio Days" will be ready as soon as my cold clears up. Then there's another song I did called "Gonzo" which I'll aim to have out February 20th for obvious reasons. Then there's another song I made called "Axe Cop" because for some reason I come up with weirder shit sober.

The next big Open Mic Night is February 23rd. There's one tomorrow night, but it's snowy here in NY, and I don't think I feel like wheeling all my shit to the train station.

I'll try to add some new links in the sidebar this week.

Top In Sales, Not In Quality

I recently stumbled upon an article by WizKid Sound "Why I Listen To Top 40". I have about 3,000 jokes lined up for my guess, but I'm going to try to keep this intellectual and shit, y'all. So, basically the point of the article is that he listens to Top 40 Radio exclusively because, allegedly, it's the "best kind" of music. Not his "favorite" music, but the "best", meaning that everything else is inferior.

I disagree strongly, and believe that "Dan"'s attitude needs adjusting.

Let's break it down.
I [listen to Top 40 exclusively] because I like good music. I like well written, well produced, well mixed music. I like hearing the most talented artists. I like hearing the bands and artists who are at the top, because they are the best. This is what top 40 radio affords me.

This statement is pretty generic. There are plenty of talented artists that have gotten the short shaft when it comes to things like awards. So according to this guy, since he assumes Top 40 radio means the best, that the Grammys also represent the pinnacle of music? Then in that case, Jethro Tull deserves his own version of Guitar Hero.

There are certain self-proclaimed music mavens out who would find this view repugnant... They’ve got a music blog where they use ambiguous descriptions like “spatial”, “dichotomous”, and “neo-post-emocore” to describe simple, boring music. If they review an album from a band you’ve heard of, it’s mediocre and disappointing. If it’s from a band you’ve never heard of, it’s amazing. These people get off on criticizing success and promoting failure. Among this community of success hating contrarians, Pitchfork Media is King.

This point I have no problem with. Sometimes mainstream stuff is good, sometime the indie stuff will surprise you. He's appealing to the other extremes for the sake of the point he's trying to make. Fine. I'm just saying that devoting yourself to either extreme is a douche thing to do,
you (mindless, frat-jock, pink polo wearing, Facebook obsessing/obscure and irony worshipping, skinny jeans wearing, trust fund baby) douche.

Check out their Best New Music section. Now take a good hard look at these unknowns because you will never see or hear from them again. Sure, they may continue to record albums for the rest of their lives, but you won’t ever hear about them because they will suck.

Another thing I kinda agree with. Although some indie band names I recognize are all the rage on the campus, like Animal Collective (WEIRD NOISES!) and Bell and Sebastian (a fruitier Coheed and Cambria). Either my school is very liberal (research university, so maybe maybe not), or they get a lot of word of mouth going.
Pitchfork picks losers and parades them around like heroes fighting against the crushing oppression of the music industry and cultural ignorance... Unfortunately, the sad truth is that there is no real oppression, no cultural ignorance, and no conspiracy that keeps these bands underground. They don’t succeed because their music blows. End of story.

Um, every think that the labels of the music Pitchfork reviews are smaller in scale and don't have the budgets the big guys do? Smaller label=less advertising/distribution budget=less money coming in.
It's picking losers, it's picking the best of what you might not have heard of. All the big publications cover the stuff Pitchfork finds "disappointing", so why we can't have a website that exists in it's own little world? There are plenty of bands I read in Good Times all the time, saying that they're huge in their respective scene, or are doing well, does that mean they're total failures because they're not playing along side Rihanna and the like?

If an independent band really has better music than what’s already out there, you don’t have to dredge the gutters of indie blog-dom to hear them. Labels find and sign the best independent artists because they are already setting trends and garnering fans. By necessity, they have to find the next big thing in order to stay in business at a time when music consumers have endless choices.

The difference between "independent" and "indie" is best described here. Plus, there are PLENTY of reasons why an independent band would remain as such: It's the only surefire way to manage all of you own stuff, people might have 2nd jobs, or are still finishing school and don't want to make it big yet. Not the best reasons, but if he were to publish a rebuttal, then I guess I could clarify this point a bit more.

Despite the ramblings of music industry outsiders, record labels can’t control what music people will like. They can’t control what songs people will like. If they could, they wouldn’t spend millions on market research before promoting songs to radio.Major labels still dominate the airwaves because they have a product people want: new music from the best artists.

Actually, yeah they can. The product the major labels are serving isn't what's good, but what's popular. The two don't always coincide. Why? Two words: peer pressure. Entire studies have been done that prove that we will say or do the wrong thing based on the influence of others, such as the Ash Conformity Experiment. TL;DR: 1 in 3 of us will say the wrong thing to go around with the crowd.

Sure, you might say, "I'm a unique flower who likes Top 40 on my own merits entirely". That is a bullshit point.

You know why I don't go around, changing my real name to Rhythm Bastard, wash regularly and walk around in a shirt and jeans as opposed to wearing only a Tie-dye shirt as pants with 50 spiritual necklaces? Because society told me that it was fucking weird, and to knock that shit off. Sometimes these pressures are right: I don't reek, these things called pants fit much nicer on my legs, and (Real Name) will probably taken more seriously than Dick Cheese McFuckStein.
Music is a much more subjective practice. There are no rules. But what Top 40 radio does is IMPOSE rules where there shouldn't be.

He then breaks down the three main criticisms against Top 40 Radio:
“It’s manufactured”
Yes, it is manufactured, in the same way Ferraris are manufactured. Record labels sign the most talented and charismatic artists. Then they hire the very best songwriters. Then they get the most distinguished producers. Then they go into the the best studios, with the best engineers, and have the best studio musicians play on the record. Then the very best mix engineers finish it off. What comes out is as close to musical perfection as you can get.

OK, so then why aren't the songwriters and producers and other people getting all the credit? In fact, the songwriters and artists can actually disagree on some fronts. For example, in her God awful "Party In The USA" (a song the exact opposite of "Anarchy In The UK"), there's a line where Miley Cyrus (IT'S MILEY!) sings "...and a Jay-Z song is on". She hates Jay-Z, and pop music in general.
So in a way, it's not really an earnest piece of creative work, you're getting a product.
Just like, and this was brought up in the comments of that blog post, "McDonalds is a product, a burger is food."
I put more care into my burgers than McDonald's does. That's because I can pick the type of meat I use, what seasonings I put into the meat, the size I make it, and choose how I top it. It's the kind of burger I enjoy because I sought out that particular burger. With McDonald's, I'm getting a McDonald's burger. It's a frozen hockey puck until you use this huge deathtrap smasher grilling thing.
Music's the same thing. I like well written music too, but it's of my choosing within a certain range, like my burger. With Top 40, I get whatever they give me, like McDonalds.

"Simple and Cliched" Good music IS simple and clichéd. Pop songs use the same chord progressions over and over because they sound good. They allow for powerful vocal melodies and hooks. And yes, pop songs often have “trite” lyrics. That is because they talk about universal subjects that people can relate to. A good song doesn’t need an English professor, a classical composer, and some jackass with a blog to explain itself. A good song is self explanatory. You get it the first time you hear it, and you want to hear it again and again.

This I have no problem against. I find a lot of prog and metal stuff a bit masturbatory, but when it's good, it's good.
But think about this "Dan": Pop songs have been getting simpler and simpler. They've fallen into two categories: Either a girl singing over a drum machine ("Poker Face", "Disturbia") or a guy on an acoustic guitar ("Hey There Delilah", "I'm Yours"). There's simple, and then there's minimalistic.

"It All Sounds The Same" Top 40 does not discriminate by genre. On any given day, you can hear Kings of Leon (indie), Kelly Clarkson (pop-rock), Black-Eyed Peas (cross-genre), Beyoncé (R&B), Kanye West (hip-hop), Matt Nathanson (acoustic), and Lady Gaga (electronica). When someone says that popular music all sounds the same, what they really mean is that it all sounds good. They mean it has better songs, better production, and higher sound quality than the music they listen to.

See the point I've made above. In order to boil everything down and make it more platable, it's gotten to the point where only two sounds exist: Club music and "Play at a party to get chicks" music.

My favorite criticisms come directly from the shitty artists that write shitty music that nobody likes except for assholes that have record players. I often hear this statement from such turd makers: “I could write crap like that [commercial music] if I wanted to.” If you had your shit together, you would have a manager who might be connected enough to get you an audience with a major. An if you really truly could write and perform commercial music, you would get signed and get a chance to be on top 40 radio, where millions of people would actually give a shit about your band. But you don’t have any of this. You don’t have anything.

Now is when he really starts getting into insults. There's also the notion that not everyone wants to make Top 40 music because there's always a style that sells at that time. As you mentioned in your previous point, Top 40 is decided via focus group testing and what not. Some artists want to write whatever they want to. These people aren't concerned with writing POPULAR music, they want to write music that they ENJOY.

I'll never write anything that intentionally sounds like Nickelback or Pink or Rihanna, because that's not music I enjoy. I enjoy songs that have power chords and solos in them. I like to listen to stuff you can work out to. I like to listen to stuff that catches me by surprise, like stuff about Gay bars and Star Wars.

That's not what Top 40 radio gives me. And it really pisses me off when just because it's "Top 40" that everyone will enjoy it everywhere. I have to put up with shit in my gym everyday I wear shorts without pockets. I asked around "Do earnestly like this stuff?" Most who were forced to listen to it said "No" either because nobody wants to listen to an acoustic ballad while they squat, or they've heard "Poker Face" 20 times today.

See, the problem is not that bad indie bands don’t want to sell-out, it’s that they aren’t good enough to. Their best songs aren’t good enough. Even if they sat down specifically with the intent of writing a commercial song that would become a smash hit on top 40 radio, they would not be able to. These facts are bad news for the “true artists” who don’t want to “sell out”. Good music leads to money and fans. Not wanting to “sell out” is a self-fulfilling prophecy that can only lead to destitution and obscurity.

Yes, most bands that wear the "indie" label like a swastika suck and revel in their obscurity. But by simply labeling all bands outside of a narrow range "not good enough" then, you're also excluding other artists you might enjoy. Like Kings Of Leon you say? Some of their harder stuff sounds like "The Hold Steady" and "indie" band. Nerdcore rapper MC Lars loves dissecting rap music such as Kanye West and Jay-Z.

But you'll never hear about those guys, because they're not on the Billboard Top 100.

Assuming you only go out and buy the singles, you're also missing out on the other tracks on that album. I've mentioned in a couple of the reviews I've done that I wind up liking a lot of non-single tracks more than the ones released as singles. I'd rather have a CD comprised entirely of great songs, than one comprised of popular, three well-written-by-committee songs that are heard all over the place, and the rest of the album is shit filler.

We need to stop pretending that the top artists are not the best artists.

The top of the charts are determined by music sales, not quality. They're just the best selling. I could write the world's greatest song, but only release it here where only me and some guy from Alpharetta, Georgia hear it.

Next time you want to hear good music, skip the hype and noise from the chain-smoking Pabst Blue Ribbon crowd. Just do what I do.

Spider Jerusalem was a chain-smoker, good sir, and I will not sit by while you diss cyberpunk's greatest Gonzo journalist by lumping him in with hipster fags.

1. Turn on your radio and find the Top 40 station (or stream from that station’s website).
2. Enjoy.
Or my advice, and here's where the insults start for me:
1. Don't listen to cock suckers who work for studio production companies and only listen to what is popular.
2. Listen to yourself.
3. GO EVERYWHERE. Like a certain genre? Troll around Myspace or the Newgrounds Audio Portal for some stuff you might like. Also, Pandora Radio is your friend.
4. Download
5. Enjoy
6. ???
7. Profit
8. Long Time Thursday.

Don’t waste your time on losers.

Such as Nickelback, and Owl City.
Oh wait.

Hey, Phil from Accounting, I found a guy who sucks at life more than you!

THE Punk, Not A Punk's 150th Post

THE FOLLOWING IS THE TRANSCRIPTION OF A PHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN THE RHYTHM BASTARD, AND NOBODY IMPORTANT.

RB: Hey Phil From Accounting, you know what would be awesome for my 150th post? If I played "Tambourine Man" then shot my blog out of a cannon in the middle of Kentucky.
PFA: Mr. Bastard, can you ever call me sober? And with an idea that isn't horribly impractical or expensive?
RB: First off, that's King Bastard to you, and second, thank your lucky stars you're still here.

PFA: Hmmm...
RB: Well, do you have any ideas Mr. Fancy Pants?
PFA: I mean, since the songs you're working on now are so hard and will take a while, why not update with another bonus song?
RB: Like what?
PFA: I was thinking that one song released in later iterations of GH and RB that you won't get to in-
RB: *fap fap fap* Sorry, that was REALLY boring.
PFA: Were you just-?
RB: No, I was making the noises with my mouth. Pretty convincing, huh?
PFA: Anyway, back to my idea, it's a song by an indie band that was at All Points West, called Vampire Weekend called-
RB: Just kidding. It was your ex-wife.
PFA: (sobs)
5 MINUTES LATER
PFA: (still crying)
RB: Hey, I looked it up, and the song you were think of was "A-Punk" by Vampire Weekend. It's not very punk. It's like the Diet Coke of Punk: 1 calorie. Not punk enough.
PFA: Did you just quote Austin-
RB: I'd fire you for being so incompetent, but your ex-wife puts out as much as Scout's Mom. I should write a song for one of them...
PFA: (sobbing resumes)
RB: Anyway, I was gonna do a REAL punk song. Something Green Day covered maybe...
PFA: (dook dook dook)
RB: Right-o then.
PFA: I'll update the setlist...

So, without further ado-
A-PUNK
Fast, but easy. In Guitar Hero 5 they felt it necessary to chart the flute parts. The song only has two riffs really, but I'm only gonna type out this part:
E----9-9--12--12--7-7--10-10-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-
B----10-10-10-10-8-8--8--8---3-3-3-3-3-3-3-

Index finger on the 9th fret of the E string, middle finger on the 10th fret of the B string. Strum that twice, then put your pinky on the 12th fret of the e string. Move that shape down 2 frets and repeat.

KNOWLEDGE
Three chord punk at it's finest:
C5 (-355--)
Bb5 (-133--)
F5 (133---)

Like Blitzkrieg Bop, if you have ears and fingers, you can play it.

No Need To Be PARANOID, Phil's Safe

Phil's safe everyone, even though I posted this song a day late (I threatened to sue). FOR AWESOME REASONS. WHICH YOU WILL FIND OUT ABOUT LATER.

Anyways,

PARANOID

Easy up until the solo, hich even then deals strictly within the pentonic scales. I learned the first half from this thing I got for Christmas one year.

Other than that, this is what you'll be doing for most of the time:
B----------------------------------------------12-
G----------------------------12---------------12-
D-14------14------12------12---12-----14--12-
A-14-x8--14-x8--12-x8--10--12-----14------
E-12------12------10-----------10-----12------pm................................................................................

DURRR...

THE FOLLOWING IS THE TRANSCRIPTION OF A PHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN THE RHYTHM BASTARD, AND HIS ACCOUNTANT, PHIL.

Rhythm Bastard: Hey, Phil from Accounting, it's me the Rhythm Bastard.
Phil From Accounting: Hello, sir. You can just call me Phil, you know, or Mr.-
RB: Whatever, the page containing my setlist has for some reason went down, and I want a new one.
PFA: OK, then just re-type it.
RB: NO, DAMMIT! I want a blinged out one, made of gold, and, what the hell, throw some spinners on that.
PFA: But this is a website, you can't just-
RB: I saw it on MySpace!
PFA: Yes, but Blogspot doesn't have those features.
RB: I also want a boat!
PFA: A boat? Why? We don't even have enough money for your pod-
RB: If Andy Samberg can have a boat, then sure as hell I can!
PFA: But-
RB: I also want T-Pain.
PFA: To appear in one of your songs?
RB: No, I mean like own T-Pain.
PFA: ...God...
RB: I'll feed him and shit if that's what you're worried about!
PFA: This is an egregious waste of money!
RB: You insubordinate bastard! Remember how I saved you from jumping off that ledge after you got fired from VH1? Or when Alan Moore rampaged through Scotland, and I gave you a job?
PFA: Yes, but-
RB: No! I'm tired of you're shit Phil! You're fired!
PFA: What?
RB: Oh, and by the way, last night, I saw your ex-wife and we [DELETED FOR... EW...]
PFA: [sobbing, gunshot noises heard]
RB: Huh, turns out while adding the Green Day songs, I accidentally saved the Setlist entry as a draft. Silly me!
PFA: ...
RB: Hello, 911?
911 Dispatcher: We'll only save Phil if you update with a song tomorrow.
RB: Jeez, fine!

Yeah, so anyway turns out while adding the Green Day songs, I accidentally saved the Setlist entry as a draft.

All is well.

West Satan Somewhere

EAST JESUS NOWHERE

Eh, no tips really, but the part that messes up everyone in the chart is that part with all the tremelo picking after the solo. Nothing for that other than PICK FASTER,
but here's the sequence on the high E string for easy transfer (~ means tremelo picking):

E-0~-4~-7~-10~-8~-5~-4~-

I would but setlist updated here, but apparently, it's been deleted. I'll get to work on it.

I'll go see if I have enough money in the budget to make a new one.

Where's Phil from Accounting when you need him?

Alan Moore On Rampage

I am reporting to you all in a post that certainly isn't filler while I work on my Setlist for Wednesday's Open Mic Night and Dani California, that Alan Moore is on a goddamn rampage. Apparently seeing my post yesterday pissed him off. A LOT. He especially took the Watchmen Babies and Saturday Morning Cartoon entries way too seriously. His e-mail to me:

"YOU RAPED IT! YOU BLOODY RAPED IT! YOU'RE THE F--KING BASTARD!"

In my defense, I never claimed that I wasn't a bastard.

So he rampaged through Scotland and is currently causing damage in London. So far he has destroyed two law firms, a Scientology center, and trampled over Phil from Accounting, who was in the city on vacation. Yeah, he really turned his life around.

So, all in all, nothing of value was lost.

Next Open Mic Night is March 11th.

Dani California is easier than I thought, I just need to get the solo down, and the little hammer on/pull off parts as part of the verses.

Rock Band 2: The Stars

Given my "slow" run-throughs of Creep, it's not hard, just a lot of memorization and finger placement (explaining the last post about the wrist strain), more on that for the update.

Anyway, what I WANTED to post about today was Rock Band 2: The Stars. Remember that?

I ate humble pie (but only a sliver) when I saw the Rock Band Stage Kit in action. Am I wrong again? Thanks to the magic of Cable On Demand, you can read my play-by-play and find out for yourself! (Times are BY NO MEANS ACCURATE)

Episode 1
0:00- All right, 5 minute run-time, this might not be so bad.
0:50- "Rock Band is the pop culture phenomenon that changed the face of music gaming for decades". Yeah, something tells me this is nothing more than shilling.
1:00- Rules given: Sebastian Bach and Alice Cooper will front two bands comprised of the best players in A ROCK BAND 2 SHOWOFF THAT WILL CHANGE THE FACE OF HISTORY FOREVER. LIKE ROCK BAND 2.
6:66- I say "Screw on Demand!" and look up the episodes on Youtube for time codes that are somewhat accurate.

0:00- Hmm... Intro's kind of interesting, going down a black road, like the notes. All right.
0:09- "ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAAAAAAAARS!!!" Wait what was that? They got Phil from accounting to do his best Rock Star voice. At least we now know that it's said like "Rock Band to the stars", as opposed to "Rock Band 2: The Stars"
0:11- Stryker from... stuff... will be the host.
0:16 to 0:28- Some guys talk. I see they actually went with people who look like they play Rock Band insteasd of the beautiful people.
0:34- Sebastian Bach looks excited... Would now be a bad time to mention I haveno idea who Sebastian Bach is?
0:45- Alice Cooper doesn't look excited.
1:05- First shill: "With 84 BRAND NEW songs added to the setlist, you're going to play songs you've never played before!"
1:11- AC/DC's "Let There Be Rock!"
1:37- Bach- "You're face looks cool!" Trust me, look this shit up for yourself. I'm not gonna link it, for exclusivity sake, but imagine a heavy, nerdy, asian guy try to put on his best rage face.
1:57- HOLY SHIT IT'S JEWPHIN!!!
2:10- HOLY SHIT JEWPHIN STUDIES PHYSICS!!! AT UCLA!!!
2:30- Bach shouts encouragement.
2:36- Some ICP wannabe does a wicked backflip off the stage.
2:56- 5 people get booted off.
3:08- NOOOOOO JEWWWWWWWWWWWPHINNNNNN!!!! (IS IT A MEME YET?)
3:18- Three people off, just like that. Wow.
3:37- Sebastian Bach is concerned about accuracy turns out, and boots off that guy from Balls Of Fury.

FINAL VERDICT: Eh. It's not painful to watch, but it's like, why bother? A. YOu only get to see a few individual performances, and B. Wow, open Dashboard Confessional and Panic at the Disco with fake instruments. There are a couple good things that I wish more reality shows would do:
1. Cut the bullshit. They took out a lot of potential drama (how they interact), which is why there aren't a lot of The Soup worthy moments, and why everything is infinitely more tolerable. Since it's a commercial, there are no commercials to dramatically cut away to, and that's all right.
2. Mix the nerds and the beautiful people. You have a diverse group with obsessive players, sexy people and rock star wannabes who try their hand at the real thing and chronicle all their exploits in a blog. Heh. Losers.

Episode 2
Sebastian Bach was the frontman of Skid Row. I don't listen to 80s hair metal, so that excuses my ignorance.
0:00-0:30- Same BS as before, recap of last episode
0:38-ROCK BAND TO THE STAAAAAAAAARS!!!
0:45- ICP man does another sweet flip and reinstates what I said earlier.
1:04- "Wow, WE GET TO PLAY FOR SEBASTIAN BACH AND ALICE COOPER. You play guitar and your mom's walkin' in and she's like, you want some lasagna?" Man I wish The Soup got on this.
1:10-1:20- 2nd challenge: Two teams of five. One can see, the rest blindfolded, the rest have to make their way to each platform representing a city and play "Go Your Own Way".
1:30- One of the chicks is wearing a bra as a top like that lady in Seinfeld.
1:35- THIS CHALLENGE REPRESENTS THE ONLINE TOUR MODE, A BRAND NEW FEATURE OF ROCK BAND 2.
1:50- AND YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY YOUR BRAND NEW WIRELESS INSTRUMENTS
3:46- One team rocked, the other sucked.
4:18- Asian girl kicked off (she didn't really get the challenge in the first place) and Sebastian Bach smashes her "guitar"

FINAL VERDICT: More shilling. Bach seems more into it than Cooper. Again, more, "Bitch, you out". The premise can't even fill half-hour slots, so the five minute

Episode 3
0:38- ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAAARS!!! Thank you, Phil from Accounting. By the way, those licensing budgets need to be on my desk by 4.
0:44- I love how everyone just "happens" to be playing when Stryker walks in.
1:16- 3rd challenge- 3 teams. They team up with OLD PEOPLE!!!
1:45- LUCKILY THEY'RE PLAYING ON ROCK BAND 2'S NO FAIL MODE!!
2:36- Old person #1 does pretty well, actually
2:59- Old person #2 inaudibly mumbles the song
3:29- Old person #3 doesn't even sing, just kind of bounces. In other words, it took a reality show to tell us that really old people suck at video games.
4:20- Bach: "Cab Calloway, today it's Cab GoAway" Aw, did he come up with that all by himself.
4:29- And Cab smashes his own guitar.

FINAL VERDICT: HA HA OLD PEOPLE!!! I'm surprised part of the challenge was to listen to their Depression Era stories. But they're keepin' it quick and painless.

Episode 4
0:36- PHIL FROM ACCOUNTING DID WE SECURE THE COCA COLA DEAL YEEEEEEEEET? I mean, ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAAAARS!!!
0:58- Two teams of 4, playing Ace Of Spades.
1:05- ICP Man has an Ace Of Spades on his face. Clever
1:11- Stryker: "There's a catch, with ROCK BAND 2's BATTLE OF THE BANDS MODE YOU CAN PLAY ANY BAND IN THE WORLD!!!" Seriously, The Soup, get on this.
1:27- HOLY CRAP, HAL SPARKS! Speak of the devil! (Hal Sparks used to host The Soup's predecesseor, Talk Soup)
1:58- Douche.
2:48- Nerdy, Heavy and Asian sings and actually does well.
2:59- "Is it pleasing to listen to him? No"
3:23-Both bands blow away Hal.
4:25- Hot girl goes home, face paint guy stays

FINAL VERDICT: I CAN PLAY AGAINST ANYONE IN THE WORLD? EVEN HAL SPARKS? WOW... Phhbt...

Episode 5
0:35- ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAAARS!!! Thanks Phil. Say, did you sign up for the company basketball league? Accounting could really use you as a point guard.
0:41- I can't tell the difference between Stryker's voice when talking normally, and when it's being dubbed over.
1:01- They don't have the Rock N' Roll Look? They do have a point, as I see a distinct lack of skinny jeans and messenger hats.
1:13- YOU'RE GONNA FLIP THROUGH THE ROCK BAND 2 OFFICIAL ROCK SHOP, THEY GOT MORE ACCESORIES AND CLOTHES THEN EVER!!
1:29- They play dress up.
1:30- "They do have fishnets!" THANK GOD!!
1:43- Facepaint Guy is the first to go after the skinny jeans, and I quote "Almost castrated [himself] on them."
1:45- "I'm not going to be able to have kids after this" Darwin? Is that you?
2:17- Cooper and Bach pick the bands. Jewphin doesn't need a band. His solo carrer as a physicist thank God this is almost over.
2:24- Facepaint guy on bass for Coop- WOW that wig is ridiculous.
2:33- Hot chicks on drums and guitar
2:50- Down to the two nerds. How will they decide?
3:03- A HEAD TO HEAD SCORE DUEL COURTESY OF THE ROCK BAND 2s COMPLETELY ORIGINAL SCORE DUEL MULTIPLAYER MODE.
3:04- Judas Priest's "Painkiller", the only hard song all competition.
4:02- Nerd that used to have glasses wins.
4:13- "Even though I got eliminated, I'm still gonna play Rock Band. I'm gonna go home and keep on doing Rock Band 2, and HAVE FUN WITH IT." BECAUSE ROCK BAND 2 IS A FUN GAME.

FINAL VERDICT: Eh, kinda pointless. Again, if they wanted the focus to be on the game, then show more footage of them playing the game, but then again, reality show.

Finale
FINALLY
0:21- Watch as the two bands COLLIDE IN AN EPIC BATTLE OF ROCK BAND 2 FOR ROCK BAND 2 SUPREMACY.
0:33- ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAAARS! Phil, you've been stealing office supplies? No, I don't care if you're wife left you, YOU'RE FIRRRRED!
1:08- Whichever bands performs the best in ROCK BAND 2 at THE WORLD FAMOUS VIPER ROOM gets open on the ROCK BAND LIVE TOUR for DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL AND PANIC AT THE DISCO.
1:21- The judges: Some DJ I've never heard of, some writer I've never heard of, and DIO!!! How'd they rope him into this?
1:49- Sebastian Bach With A Vengence is up first with "Hello There".
3:03- DJ I've never heard of: "Your singer could really make a living out of this!" Reality TV or singing?
3:15- Alice Cooper's First Blood with "Pinball Wizard"
3:47- Alice Cooper cannot look anymore bored
4:06- NO! HIS WIIIIG!
4:25- Judges deliberate. Looks scripted. Dio says nothing.
5:00- Sebastian Bach wins.
5:13- "I'm opening for Dashboard, I'm opening for Panic! I'm so stoked"
5:46- ROCK BAND 2 AVAILBLE NOW.

FINAL VERDICT: I feel sorry for Alice Cooper. He looked like he didn't want to be there. But Sebastian was kinda getting into it. Maybe because he's been in less commercials and cameos and stuff, he has more energy to do it.

FINAL FINAL VERDICT: While not being an entire show (i.e. 30-60 min ecah episode), it was kept quick and (almost) painless, but it could have filled an hour special and be a bit more satisfying, showing more people kicking ass at the game. However, by keeping it so short, it isn't focused on gameplay, just the game. This is every episode of RB2:TS in a nutshell.

-Recap of last episode
-ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAARS! (Courtesy of Phil from Accounting)
-Stryker: You're going to do some challenge based on COMPLETELY ZOMG AMAZING NEW FEATURE FROM ROCK BAND 2, THE VIDEO GAME.
-*30 seconds of gameplay*
-Alice and Sebash kick a guy off.

I think the difference is that with the Rock Band Mockumentary, the premise didn't lend itself to "Hey guys, we're going to play Rock Band", it was a parody with a band that played Rock Band and everyone treated them like a real band. It was an ad, but it was still a complete show. Not that it was very good, but other than the pre-commercial cuts, it wasn't a blatant advertisement.

TL;DR: Prize sucked, premise whatever, Phil from Accounting is trying to jump of a ledge outside my house. (runs)