Not A Post About The Avengers

And how fun it was, and how all my fears about them not pulling it off were totally assuaged.

North Carolina smells and is retarded:

This man has a Batstache:

We all good? All right, after finishing my Changeling song, I've decided to start another webcomicky song. More on that tomorrow, this is just a filler post

Geraldo Rivera Is An Idiot, Koltreg Angries Up My Blood.

Webcomicker and friend, Koltreg recently posted this video on his Tumblr:


I'm not good at summaries, but it's pertaining to the case of this.

In this video, Geraldo Rivera goes on Fox and Friends and urges black and latino teens to not wear hoodies because it makes them look suspicious. He then says, because Treyvon Martin (more on him later) wore a hoodie, that is just as responsible for Martin's death as George Zimmerman, an overzealous neighborhood watchman. His logic is that because the hoodie is associated with gangster imagery, in prompted a response from Zimmerman.

Geraldo Rivera, let me drop some logic of my own:

Let's assume that Martin and Zimmerman both made "bad decisions", because you assume such a thing is binary.

Let's see the consequences:
Martin- Being kind of hot on a humid Florida night, looking suspicious due to years of racial profiling.
Zimmerman: ENDING ANOTHER PERSON'S LIFE

Don't blame the victim here, BLAME THE GUY WHO ACTUALLY KILLED SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T DESERVE IT.

Yes, he acknowledges that racial discrimination is still A Thing, but it's A THING THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

In other Koltreg-made-me-mad news, this post reminds me of how much I hate me job.

In Tumblr related news, I consider getting one.

In other Tumblr related news, I decide not to.

REPOST: NinjaGamerGeek and Hookers and Oreos

NinjaGamerGeek posted up another article, even after they've been shut down.
----------------------------
RHYTHM BASTARD WILL HAVE HOOKERS GIVE AWAY FREE OREOS



by Cranson Bashcraft

According to his twitter page, the Rhythm Bastard had released some details as to his upcoming announcement. Luckily, we're here to tell you what it means!

OK, r0x0r your b0x0rs. Who roxors boxors? Hookers, otherwise the only women who will sleep with me, because Julie that girl at the video game store, never goes out with me. I think she put me on her Friends Ladder. Baka Gaijin.

Anyway, then he puts the four zeroes as 0s. 0000. What does that mean? Well, there are two 0s at the beginning and end of the word. So since he doesn't have anything to do with Ohio, clearly it means Oreos. Like the kind I OM NOM NOMed a sleeve of.

--------------------------------

Clearly that bullet proof logic means that I will have hookers give away oreos. It's like Edward R. Murrow and Jon Stewart had a baby.

REPOST: NinjaGamerGeek Reports on the Announcement Of My Announcement

So anyway, news of the announcement of my announcement has already hit the major game blogs. Or at least one of them, NinjaGamerGeek.com. Unfortunately, due to this economic clusterfuck us Yanks find ourselves in, it had to file for bankruptcy, and no longer exists. Still, I need to highlight such outstanding journalism:

-----------------------------------------
RHYTHM BASTARD: COOL STUFF AND BEAT PEOPLE UP




















Sup dawg, I herd u liek announcements? The Rhythm Bastard announced an announcement so he can announce annoucements while he announces announcement. Lol. What a fage.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. RHYTHM BASTARD ANNOUNCES ANNOUNCEMENT.

NEW YORK, NY. Person who does a thing on internet Rhythm Bastard has announced today that he will make an announcement. When asked about the nature of said announcement, he said this:
"Well, it's certainly not because I'm finishing up work on a song, or some other cool stuff I was thinking of doing and didn't want to go a week without an update"

His accountant, Phil, claims "He stole my last name and then beat me with it."

As to why The Rhythm Bastard has announced an announcement instead of waiting till the actual date: "Because as much as I enjoy reading "Game Journalists Are Incompetent Fuckwits" I'm not a games journalist, just a music player. And I don't see no website called "Game Musicians Are Incompetent Fuckwits" and even then it would just be one page that says "DragonForce""

The Rhythm Bastard's only claim to fame was posting the Guitar Hero: Arcade setlist.

He also has a song about Axe Cop available for download.

--------------------------------

See how good of an article it is? You can tell it's great because they copied and pasted the article straight from my site. And I'm a good writer, so by transitive property, this is one of the greatest pieces of news of all time. Also, how the headline made assumptions, instead of reporting that I only announced an announcement which may or may not be cool stuff instead of actually doing it, was a nice touch.

Rhythm Bastard Pleased With Sucess Of Announcement Of Announcement

SEPTEMBER 14TH, 2010. FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: RHYTHM BASTARD PLEASED WITH SUCCESS OF ANNOUNCEMENT OF ANNOUNCEMENT.

NEW YORK, NY. Rhythm Bastard, who recently announced that he would make an announcement, boasts of his recent success:
"I got like, a million hits from just the idea that I'll be announcing something."

Records show he only received 16 hits. 7 of those were counted twice.

Will it be big? The Rhythm Bastard seems to think so: "With all these posts related to my as of yet unmade announcement of something big, it can't possibly be a letdown! Like Daiktana! Or the box-office draw to Scott Pilgrim vs The World" The latter being a movie staring Michael Cera based off a series of Graphic Novels by Bryan Lee O'Malley. The former is bieng turned into a movie starring Michael Cera and will be released in 2013.

His accountant Phil had this to say: "As a running joke that nobody gives a shit about as well as an accountant, this is a huge failure. He doesn't even sell anything, and barely bothers to network. For the love of God, please get me out of here. This man keeps me chained in his parents basement"

The Rhythm Bastard's father is equally unimpressed with the success of the announcement: "I don't care if my generation turned into a bunch greedy fucks and would rather make a profit than hire new people to ease the workload, I'm tired of him on the goddamn computer and playing his goddamn guitar."

His mother's take on the event is unorthodox, to say the least "Could you do me a favor and bring the laundry basket down?" She said, standing next to said laundry basket with perfectly functioning legs.

Regardless, the Rhythm Bastard remains steadfast that his announcement will bring him even more success: "Read my lips. I will make you my bitch."

He then proceeded to physically abuse his accountant, Phil.

The Rhythm Bastard had originally started a blog to chronicle his learning of the songs from the original Rock Band music video game. Now he does this shit and writes his own songs. His only claim to fame was posting the Guitar Hero: Arcade setlist.

He also has a song about Axe Cop available for download. Other songs can be downloaded via his Newgrounds Page.

Juggalos Attempt To Kill Tila Tequila

You're fuckin' weird, God.

BTW, Green Day said HEY-O alot at the PNC and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was a pretty cool movie.

FINAL COUNTDOWN

Yeah, it's finals time, I just figured I'd fire off a quick one at 1 AM Wednesday, and try to whip something up bigger while I work on my project. What is it about?



Go to 1:52

Top In Sales, Not In Quality

I recently stumbled upon an article by WizKid Sound "Why I Listen To Top 40". I have about 3,000 jokes lined up for my guess, but I'm going to try to keep this intellectual and shit, y'all. So, basically the point of the article is that he listens to Top 40 Radio exclusively because, allegedly, it's the "best kind" of music. Not his "favorite" music, but the "best", meaning that everything else is inferior.

I disagree strongly, and believe that "Dan"'s attitude needs adjusting.

Let's break it down.
I [listen to Top 40 exclusively] because I like good music. I like well written, well produced, well mixed music. I like hearing the most talented artists. I like hearing the bands and artists who are at the top, because they are the best. This is what top 40 radio affords me.

This statement is pretty generic. There are plenty of talented artists that have gotten the short shaft when it comes to things like awards. So according to this guy, since he assumes Top 40 radio means the best, that the Grammys also represent the pinnacle of music? Then in that case, Jethro Tull deserves his own version of Guitar Hero.

There are certain self-proclaimed music mavens out who would find this view repugnant... They’ve got a music blog where they use ambiguous descriptions like “spatial”, “dichotomous”, and “neo-post-emocore” to describe simple, boring music. If they review an album from a band you’ve heard of, it’s mediocre and disappointing. If it’s from a band you’ve never heard of, it’s amazing. These people get off on criticizing success and promoting failure. Among this community of success hating contrarians, Pitchfork Media is King.

This point I have no problem with. Sometimes mainstream stuff is good, sometime the indie stuff will surprise you. He's appealing to the other extremes for the sake of the point he's trying to make. Fine. I'm just saying that devoting yourself to either extreme is a douche thing to do,
you (mindless, frat-jock, pink polo wearing, Facebook obsessing/obscure and irony worshipping, skinny jeans wearing, trust fund baby) douche.

Check out their Best New Music section. Now take a good hard look at these unknowns because you will never see or hear from them again. Sure, they may continue to record albums for the rest of their lives, but you won’t ever hear about them because they will suck.

Another thing I kinda agree with. Although some indie band names I recognize are all the rage on the campus, like Animal Collective (WEIRD NOISES!) and Bell and Sebastian (a fruitier Coheed and Cambria). Either my school is very liberal (research university, so maybe maybe not), or they get a lot of word of mouth going.
Pitchfork picks losers and parades them around like heroes fighting against the crushing oppression of the music industry and cultural ignorance... Unfortunately, the sad truth is that there is no real oppression, no cultural ignorance, and no conspiracy that keeps these bands underground. They don’t succeed because their music blows. End of story.

Um, every think that the labels of the music Pitchfork reviews are smaller in scale and don't have the budgets the big guys do? Smaller label=less advertising/distribution budget=less money coming in.
It's picking losers, it's picking the best of what you might not have heard of. All the big publications cover the stuff Pitchfork finds "disappointing", so why we can't have a website that exists in it's own little world? There are plenty of bands I read in Good Times all the time, saying that they're huge in their respective scene, or are doing well, does that mean they're total failures because they're not playing along side Rihanna and the like?

If an independent band really has better music than what’s already out there, you don’t have to dredge the gutters of indie blog-dom to hear them. Labels find and sign the best independent artists because they are already setting trends and garnering fans. By necessity, they have to find the next big thing in order to stay in business at a time when music consumers have endless choices.

The difference between "independent" and "indie" is best described here. Plus, there are PLENTY of reasons why an independent band would remain as such: It's the only surefire way to manage all of you own stuff, people might have 2nd jobs, or are still finishing school and don't want to make it big yet. Not the best reasons, but if he were to publish a rebuttal, then I guess I could clarify this point a bit more.

Despite the ramblings of music industry outsiders, record labels can’t control what music people will like. They can’t control what songs people will like. If they could, they wouldn’t spend millions on market research before promoting songs to radio.Major labels still dominate the airwaves because they have a product people want: new music from the best artists.

Actually, yeah they can. The product the major labels are serving isn't what's good, but what's popular. The two don't always coincide. Why? Two words: peer pressure. Entire studies have been done that prove that we will say or do the wrong thing based on the influence of others, such as the Ash Conformity Experiment. TL;DR: 1 in 3 of us will say the wrong thing to go around with the crowd.

Sure, you might say, "I'm a unique flower who likes Top 40 on my own merits entirely". That is a bullshit point.

You know why I don't go around, changing my real name to Rhythm Bastard, wash regularly and walk around in a shirt and jeans as opposed to wearing only a Tie-dye shirt as pants with 50 spiritual necklaces? Because society told me that it was fucking weird, and to knock that shit off. Sometimes these pressures are right: I don't reek, these things called pants fit much nicer on my legs, and (Real Name) will probably taken more seriously than Dick Cheese McFuckStein.
Music is a much more subjective practice. There are no rules. But what Top 40 radio does is IMPOSE rules where there shouldn't be.

He then breaks down the three main criticisms against Top 40 Radio:
“It’s manufactured”
Yes, it is manufactured, in the same way Ferraris are manufactured. Record labels sign the most talented and charismatic artists. Then they hire the very best songwriters. Then they get the most distinguished producers. Then they go into the the best studios, with the best engineers, and have the best studio musicians play on the record. Then the very best mix engineers finish it off. What comes out is as close to musical perfection as you can get.

OK, so then why aren't the songwriters and producers and other people getting all the credit? In fact, the songwriters and artists can actually disagree on some fronts. For example, in her God awful "Party In The USA" (a song the exact opposite of "Anarchy In The UK"), there's a line where Miley Cyrus (IT'S MILEY!) sings "...and a Jay-Z song is on". She hates Jay-Z, and pop music in general.
So in a way, it's not really an earnest piece of creative work, you're getting a product.
Just like, and this was brought up in the comments of that blog post, "McDonalds is a product, a burger is food."
I put more care into my burgers than McDonald's does. That's because I can pick the type of meat I use, what seasonings I put into the meat, the size I make it, and choose how I top it. It's the kind of burger I enjoy because I sought out that particular burger. With McDonald's, I'm getting a McDonald's burger. It's a frozen hockey puck until you use this huge deathtrap smasher grilling thing.
Music's the same thing. I like well written music too, but it's of my choosing within a certain range, like my burger. With Top 40, I get whatever they give me, like McDonalds.

"Simple and Cliched" Good music IS simple and clichéd. Pop songs use the same chord progressions over and over because they sound good. They allow for powerful vocal melodies and hooks. And yes, pop songs often have “trite” lyrics. That is because they talk about universal subjects that people can relate to. A good song doesn’t need an English professor, a classical composer, and some jackass with a blog to explain itself. A good song is self explanatory. You get it the first time you hear it, and you want to hear it again and again.

This I have no problem against. I find a lot of prog and metal stuff a bit masturbatory, but when it's good, it's good.
But think about this "Dan": Pop songs have been getting simpler and simpler. They've fallen into two categories: Either a girl singing over a drum machine ("Poker Face", "Disturbia") or a guy on an acoustic guitar ("Hey There Delilah", "I'm Yours"). There's simple, and then there's minimalistic.

"It All Sounds The Same" Top 40 does not discriminate by genre. On any given day, you can hear Kings of Leon (indie), Kelly Clarkson (pop-rock), Black-Eyed Peas (cross-genre), Beyoncé (R&B), Kanye West (hip-hop), Matt Nathanson (acoustic), and Lady Gaga (electronica). When someone says that popular music all sounds the same, what they really mean is that it all sounds good. They mean it has better songs, better production, and higher sound quality than the music they listen to.

See the point I've made above. In order to boil everything down and make it more platable, it's gotten to the point where only two sounds exist: Club music and "Play at a party to get chicks" music.

My favorite criticisms come directly from the shitty artists that write shitty music that nobody likes except for assholes that have record players. I often hear this statement from such turd makers: “I could write crap like that [commercial music] if I wanted to.” If you had your shit together, you would have a manager who might be connected enough to get you an audience with a major. An if you really truly could write and perform commercial music, you would get signed and get a chance to be on top 40 radio, where millions of people would actually give a shit about your band. But you don’t have any of this. You don’t have anything.

Now is when he really starts getting into insults. There's also the notion that not everyone wants to make Top 40 music because there's always a style that sells at that time. As you mentioned in your previous point, Top 40 is decided via focus group testing and what not. Some artists want to write whatever they want to. These people aren't concerned with writing POPULAR music, they want to write music that they ENJOY.

I'll never write anything that intentionally sounds like Nickelback or Pink or Rihanna, because that's not music I enjoy. I enjoy songs that have power chords and solos in them. I like to listen to stuff you can work out to. I like to listen to stuff that catches me by surprise, like stuff about Gay bars and Star Wars.

That's not what Top 40 radio gives me. And it really pisses me off when just because it's "Top 40" that everyone will enjoy it everywhere. I have to put up with shit in my gym everyday I wear shorts without pockets. I asked around "Do earnestly like this stuff?" Most who were forced to listen to it said "No" either because nobody wants to listen to an acoustic ballad while they squat, or they've heard "Poker Face" 20 times today.

See, the problem is not that bad indie bands don’t want to sell-out, it’s that they aren’t good enough to. Their best songs aren’t good enough. Even if they sat down specifically with the intent of writing a commercial song that would become a smash hit on top 40 radio, they would not be able to. These facts are bad news for the “true artists” who don’t want to “sell out”. Good music leads to money and fans. Not wanting to “sell out” is a self-fulfilling prophecy that can only lead to destitution and obscurity.

Yes, most bands that wear the "indie" label like a swastika suck and revel in their obscurity. But by simply labeling all bands outside of a narrow range "not good enough" then, you're also excluding other artists you might enjoy. Like Kings Of Leon you say? Some of their harder stuff sounds like "The Hold Steady" and "indie" band. Nerdcore rapper MC Lars loves dissecting rap music such as Kanye West and Jay-Z.

But you'll never hear about those guys, because they're not on the Billboard Top 100.

Assuming you only go out and buy the singles, you're also missing out on the other tracks on that album. I've mentioned in a couple of the reviews I've done that I wind up liking a lot of non-single tracks more than the ones released as singles. I'd rather have a CD comprised entirely of great songs, than one comprised of popular, three well-written-by-committee songs that are heard all over the place, and the rest of the album is shit filler.

We need to stop pretending that the top artists are not the best artists.

The top of the charts are determined by music sales, not quality. They're just the best selling. I could write the world's greatest song, but only release it here where only me and some guy from Alpharetta, Georgia hear it.

Next time you want to hear good music, skip the hype and noise from the chain-smoking Pabst Blue Ribbon crowd. Just do what I do.

Spider Jerusalem was a chain-smoker, good sir, and I will not sit by while you diss cyberpunk's greatest Gonzo journalist by lumping him in with hipster fags.

1. Turn on your radio and find the Top 40 station (or stream from that station’s website).
2. Enjoy.
Or my advice, and here's where the insults start for me:
1. Don't listen to cock suckers who work for studio production companies and only listen to what is popular.
2. Listen to yourself.
3. GO EVERYWHERE. Like a certain genre? Troll around Myspace or the Newgrounds Audio Portal for some stuff you might like. Also, Pandora Radio is your friend.
4. Download
5. Enjoy
6. ???
7. Profit
8. Long Time Thursday.

Don’t waste your time on losers.

Such as Nickelback, and Owl City.
Oh wait.

Hey, Phil from Accounting, I found a guy who sucks at life more than you!

I Officially Support A Family-Friendly Rhythm Game

News has been coming out about Band Hero's full setlist and LEGO Rock Band's celebrity appearances, and I found the whole idea a little ridiculous. More or less everyone savvy enough to own RB2 has to have access to DLC, right? So then why not release these more popular songs on the network?

Maybe I'm just thinking about this the wrong way, maybe I should look at it like a track pack, like the ones that came out for Rock Band.

However, I think one best fits the mission statement here at Rhythm Bastard Central: LEGO Rock Band.

Why? IGGY POP AND DAVID FREAKING BOWIE

Why not Band Hero? After all, they've got Cheap Trick, Devo, and The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, so what gives?

Yeah, Band Hero has apperances by Adam Levine from Maroon 5 and Taylor Swift. Not one, not two but THREE songs by her.

It does have a few good selections, but while Band Hero seems to go "OK, we'll give you Devo and Styx, now here's some Top 40 shit that kinda has guitar and bass in it sorta" , LEGO Rock Band says "Fine, you recognize Pink and Kaiser Cheifs, 'K kids? Good, here's some classic rock you might have heard somewhere via cultural osmosis."

Open Mic tomorrow. GOING IN EARLY for it this time.

Open Mic Night/What I Use

So I had an Open Mic Wednesday night, it was a clusterfuck, and I'd rather spare my dignity and not write about it. My guitar playing was fine, but I forgot the words, and it took us forever to set up.

Recently I've been making backing tracks to some of the songs I cover that aren't on GuitarBT.

For the drum parts, I use FL Studio. Working on Clash City Rockers right now, and unfortunately there are alot of patterns to work in that are small fills used exactly once.

For bass parts, I plug my guitar into my PC using a USB-guitar cable, and then tone it down 12 semitones in Audacity.

DURRR...

THE FOLLOWING IS THE TRANSCRIPTION OF A PHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN THE RHYTHM BASTARD, AND HIS ACCOUNTANT, PHIL.

Rhythm Bastard: Hey, Phil from Accounting, it's me the Rhythm Bastard.
Phil From Accounting: Hello, sir. You can just call me Phil, you know, or Mr.-
RB: Whatever, the page containing my setlist has for some reason went down, and I want a new one.
PFA: OK, then just re-type it.
RB: NO, DAMMIT! I want a blinged out one, made of gold, and, what the hell, throw some spinners on that.
PFA: But this is a website, you can't just-
RB: I saw it on MySpace!
PFA: Yes, but Blogspot doesn't have those features.
RB: I also want a boat!
PFA: A boat? Why? We don't even have enough money for your pod-
RB: If Andy Samberg can have a boat, then sure as hell I can!
PFA: But-
RB: I also want T-Pain.
PFA: To appear in one of your songs?
RB: No, I mean like own T-Pain.
PFA: ...God...
RB: I'll feed him and shit if that's what you're worried about!
PFA: This is an egregious waste of money!
RB: You insubordinate bastard! Remember how I saved you from jumping off that ledge after you got fired from VH1? Or when Alan Moore rampaged through Scotland, and I gave you a job?
PFA: Yes, but-
RB: No! I'm tired of you're shit Phil! You're fired!
PFA: What?
RB: Oh, and by the way, last night, I saw your ex-wife and we [DELETED FOR... EW...]
PFA: [sobbing, gunshot noises heard]
RB: Huh, turns out while adding the Green Day songs, I accidentally saved the Setlist entry as a draft. Silly me!
PFA: ...
RB: Hello, 911?
911 Dispatcher: We'll only save Phil if you update with a song tomorrow.
RB: Jeez, fine!

Yeah, so anyway turns out while adding the Green Day songs, I accidentally saved the Setlist entry as a draft.

All is well.

Still Here

I was lurking the Something Awful forums (No, I don't have an account), and I found a thread called "GENERIC LYRICS". Basically, everyone has to boil down an entire bands discography into a few lyrics. Most of them end with, I love this band, but seriosuly?

Some choice ones:
THE ROLLING STONES
(Riff)
I met a black girl
In Louisiana
Or was it Paris
I'm not sure
I was stoned
(Riff to end)

DREAM THEATER


Our lyrics are pretentious
With awkward transitions
And artsy themes that were
Clearly written to impress nubile females
Without actually having any meeeeeeeeeaaaaning






THE HOLD STEADY
Charlemagne deals drugs in downtown Minneapolis
While we were partying in Ybor City
Holly was overdosing on the banks of the Mississippi River
Christianity and drugs are the same things, you see
Here's another reference you don't get cuz you're not from Minneapolis
Now drink a Pabst Blue Ribbon in a tallboy can and listen to this sick guitar riff

WEEZER
I sit around all day.
I sit around and wonder
which guitar I'm gonna play,
when I'm up on stage,
playing my new hit song.

Sometimes I wonder why
I play the same old songs each day.
And even though I try
to write some fresh cool new ones,
still they say:
"Play The loving Sweater Song!"

I'm such a lucky guy
to be in such an awful band.
To churn out such redundant crap,
and still get paid abundantly.

I'm such a lucky loser.
I'm nothing without fans.
I'd be called a total bum,
If not for Pinkerton.

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
gently caress you I won't do what you tell me x8
You're a slave to the system x8
Destroy the establishment, free yourself x*
Repeat 5x
Tom Morello Solo
Repeat lyrics 2x

GREEN DAY
I'm sick and tired of politics
The whole thing's a piece of poo poo
We are the products of a dead nation
Nothing left but masturbation

(Chorus in F, C and G)
IIIII won't accept the world for what it is
I wanna get high and wake up the kids
Call me insane and I'll call you right
'Cause I can't live like this another night

AC/DC
(repetitive guitar riff)
:Something about rock and roll:
:Wailing about a girl:
(guitar riff again)
:Repeat chorus:
:Repeat chorus:
:Last two words of chorus:
(Inarticulatie noises/yelling)
(drawn-out outro)

REEL BIG FISH
I wanted to impress this girl, so I joined a band
Then we got famous for like 2 months
And now we're not famous any more and that makes me kind of pissed off
So gently caress you
Alcohol!
Thought guitar was cool, but everybody plays it
Everything's been done and redone to death
Thought ska was our thing, turned out to be a fad
Now when we play live we just dick around and rock it!
(Surprising metal guitar solo while the horns vamp)
Booze!

PuddleofNickelStaindBack

So far away,
A GIRL GAVE ME HEAD!
So faaaaaaar away
MY MOM NEVER LOVED ME!
So far awaaaaaaay

RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS
California is the best
All things happen in California
Let's go to California
Oh something sad happened in California

[instrumental bit]

California !!!

LADY GAGA
*Generic techno noise, boring 4/4 beat*
I'll wrap you 'round my finger
I know what you want
Cuz I got a catchy voice
I'm supposedta be appealin'!

(Chorus)
I LIKE TO, I LIKE TO REPEAT MYSELF
AND MAKE KINDA COOL CULTURAL REFERENCES
(Repeat 3x)

*Let beat play for 16 bars, naw it's cool, no fill or anything, it's a good beat*

Boys are always looking at me
I know my music's sweet like sugar
My huge sunglasses distort spacetime
Baby you're my fool

(Chorus, 12x)

*Let beat play 24 bars, fade out over the next 32 bars*

DROPKICK MURPHYS
In the hills near Dublin where my great-granddad was born
A man rose from his drink and stumbled out to the morn
Where he came aware of a pretty girl that left him a-stutter
And after she did him wrong our vagabond he did utter

gently caress YEAH. RED SOX. GO BOSTON GO
HEY WE'RE loving IRISH IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW
gently caress INDUSTRY, UNIONIZE YOU BOSTON SKINS, BE A MAN
AND THEN DIE IN EVERY GODFORSAKEN WAR FOR UNCLE SAM

These words our vagrant spoke before his voice died so quicker
So never cross a woman when you're out on the liquor
LIQUOR

Let's drink!

[bagpipes]

INTERPOL
There are city lights on my windshield
And I do not like the glare
I've been sitting here for a while
In the forest there might be a bear

CURRENT ROCK MUSIC ON THE RADIO
I got a girlfriend
and she's a slut
she's a trashy slutty girlfriend oh yeah!

RAP
Yo yo yo yo yo yo
I'm at the club
I'm at the club
me and my friends we're at the club
we are acting really cool at the club
there is some girl there I would like to have sex with
at the club
at the club

JOHNATHAN COULTON
I'm a scientist and I live in space
The world hates me, but that's okay
I live alone except with my girl
I turned her into a robot to do my bidding

Maybe I'm crazy.
Maybe I'm ugly.
Maybe I'm a psycho.
Maybe I used too many monkeys.

Then there was a post apocalyptic zombie robot war
But I'm still alive

One of my own:
AIRBOURNE
We're not AC/DC!
(repetitive guitar riff)
:Something about rock and roll:
:Wailing about a girl:
(guitar riff again)
:Repeat chorus:
:Repeat chorus:
:Last two words of chorus:
(Inarticulatie noises/yelling)
(drawn-out outro)

BOB DYLAN (yeah, I went there)
I see somethin' that's kinda wrong,
So I sit like a minstrel, playin' this song
I'll tell a story, bout a girl or two,
I think I peaked in '62...

Guitar Hero Expansions/Delays

Song updates are rare these days, finals time and all.

Now for "Why Activision Will Make Me Either Rich Or Disgusted":
1. Guitar Hero: Van Halen "Hot For Teacher" was already blown on GH:World Tour, so the only song I'm looking forward to are "You Really Got Me". BUT, according to the article, the guest acts include Queen, Weezer, Blink 182, The Offspring and Queens Of THe Stone Age. Sounds pretty good, but damn it, why not just do DLC?

2. GH5, Band Hero and DJ Hero Not much for DJ hero, but you have the 5th Guitar Hero game in as many years (fine, keeping up brand recognition you consumer whores), and Band Hero, a "family-friendly" game, like Lego Rock Band. Really? I understand the need to compete, but all this "family-friendly" BS is making me nauseous. WHY NOT DLC? Seriously, I thought these games were supposed be getting kids away from poppy crap, not reinforcing it.

3. Guitar Hero: Smash Hits Some pretty good ones in there. "Take Me Out", "Smoke On The Water" and "Godzilla" from GH1, "Freebird", "Beast and the Harlot" and "Trippin' On A Hole" from GH2, and the GH3 songs are more focused on the easier songs (save for "Raining Blood" and "That Damn Song From That Band Whose Songs All SOund Like A Robot Made Them That Every Spergs Out Over"). "Back In The Saddle"'s an odd choice, but seriously, how many rhythm games are going to feature "Round and Round"? Are there no other Ratt songs?

GAHHH!!!

They're actually making it.

Just when I thought Harmonix would go a different route than Activision with their respecive rock franchises. Alas, all great kings must fall.

The song list:
"Song 2" Blur
"Kung Fu Fighting" Carl Douglas
"Girls and Boys" Good Charlotte
"So What" Pink

This is looking a lot like Guitar Rock Tour but I wonder why they weent with LEGO. I'm putting the stupid label on this one, I hope I'm wrong.

Unlike this:

Rock Boy Experiment

As of now, I've decided to change the tone of the RBExperiment.

Instead of covering Rock Band songs, and being about angry mean, hard music, I've turned over a new leaf. Instead of covering Rock Band and Guitar Hero songs, I'm doing Disney label music, with Top 40 songs.

Here's my setlist so far:
"A Little Bit Longer" by The Jonas Brothers
"Rockstar" by Nickelback
"Bye Bye Ball" by Hanna Montana

That's just for starters. I'll be adding some awesome Top 40 artists too like Riahanna, Lady Gaga, and even "Hey There Delialah" by The Plain White Ts!

And I have a Facebook page n-

Wait, April Fools was yesterday? DAMN IT!!

Go ahead, put a song suggestion in the comments if you want me to do a Top 40 cover.

How TF2 blah blah

Uh, yeah.

Here's that asinine post I promised. And I stole it.

Malcolm and Angus are the names of the guitars of AC/DC who I sometimes call the Brothers Young.

I swear I'll have something good tomorrow.

Hopefully Dani California (solo not that hard) and MAYBE the #1 phrase where people land on my site.

REVIEW: Rock Revolution DS

Working on "Limelight", should be done soon, just as soon as I master the solo.

In OTHER news, I managed to get some play time with Rock Revolution for the Nintendo DS. Does it suck less than it's console predecessor?

Nope.

First off, it looks bad (image courtest of VGChartz):

No, it's not due to poor image capture, THAT'S HOW THE GAME ACTUALLY LOOKS. Animation? What's that? No, what you get here is a bunch of still images with no transition to suggest movement. Even the friggin' Alvin and the Chipmunks game had 3D animation.

The songlist... pretty good. Granted, you'll have some overused stuff like "Blitzkreig Bop","Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" and "Sk8r Boi", but then you'll have something awesome like "Heading Out To The Highway" and "Spirit Of The Radio". That last song alone makes it worth a try.


All the songs are covers, which isn't SO bad when you consider that the original Guitar Hero was all covers, but they sound horrible and are poorly mixed. First off, the bass doesn't sound natural, like an actual bass. For some reason, it's the thing you'll hear the most. The rest of the instruments sound OK. But the biggest offense is that sometimes, the music will go out of sync, like they weren't aware of things like "measures" or "timing". I know it's hard, but really, the music department should have noticed these things.


As far as gameplay goes, it's a mixed bag. The singing is OK, but unresponsive. It doesn't matter, because apparently it give you "GOOD"s regardless. The guitar is boring (all you do is strum up and down), and at times ridiculously broken (sometimes you have to draw a circle, and sometimes it works). Bass is really hard, as you not only have to hit the right string, but in the right position as well, and on expert difficulty, it becomes a clusterfuck. Drums is OK, but the sound is so poorly mixed, you have no idea what to hit, and the pads are scattered around randomly.


BOTTOM LINE: Skip, and try the console version, which is only $20. It at least had more work put into it.

Rock Band 2: The Stars

Given my "slow" run-throughs of Creep, it's not hard, just a lot of memorization and finger placement (explaining the last post about the wrist strain), more on that for the update.

Anyway, what I WANTED to post about today was Rock Band 2: The Stars. Remember that?

I ate humble pie (but only a sliver) when I saw the Rock Band Stage Kit in action. Am I wrong again? Thanks to the magic of Cable On Demand, you can read my play-by-play and find out for yourself! (Times are BY NO MEANS ACCURATE)

Episode 1
0:00- All right, 5 minute run-time, this might not be so bad.
0:50- "Rock Band is the pop culture phenomenon that changed the face of music gaming for decades". Yeah, something tells me this is nothing more than shilling.
1:00- Rules given: Sebastian Bach and Alice Cooper will front two bands comprised of the best players in A ROCK BAND 2 SHOWOFF THAT WILL CHANGE THE FACE OF HISTORY FOREVER. LIKE ROCK BAND 2.
6:66- I say "Screw on Demand!" and look up the episodes on Youtube for time codes that are somewhat accurate.

0:00- Hmm... Intro's kind of interesting, going down a black road, like the notes. All right.
0:09- "ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAAAAAAAARS!!!" Wait what was that? They got Phil from accounting to do his best Rock Star voice. At least we now know that it's said like "Rock Band to the stars", as opposed to "Rock Band 2: The Stars"
0:11- Stryker from... stuff... will be the host.
0:16 to 0:28- Some guys talk. I see they actually went with people who look like they play Rock Band insteasd of the beautiful people.
0:34- Sebastian Bach looks excited... Would now be a bad time to mention I haveno idea who Sebastian Bach is?
0:45- Alice Cooper doesn't look excited.
1:05- First shill: "With 84 BRAND NEW songs added to the setlist, you're going to play songs you've never played before!"
1:11- AC/DC's "Let There Be Rock!"
1:37- Bach- "You're face looks cool!" Trust me, look this shit up for yourself. I'm not gonna link it, for exclusivity sake, but imagine a heavy, nerdy, asian guy try to put on his best rage face.
1:57- HOLY SHIT IT'S JEWPHIN!!!
2:10- HOLY SHIT JEWPHIN STUDIES PHYSICS!!! AT UCLA!!!
2:30- Bach shouts encouragement.
2:36- Some ICP wannabe does a wicked backflip off the stage.
2:56- 5 people get booted off.
3:08- NOOOOOO JEWWWWWWWWWWWPHINNNNNN!!!! (IS IT A MEME YET?)
3:18- Three people off, just like that. Wow.
3:37- Sebastian Bach is concerned about accuracy turns out, and boots off that guy from Balls Of Fury.

FINAL VERDICT: Eh. It's not painful to watch, but it's like, why bother? A. YOu only get to see a few individual performances, and B. Wow, open Dashboard Confessional and Panic at the Disco with fake instruments. There are a couple good things that I wish more reality shows would do:
1. Cut the bullshit. They took out a lot of potential drama (how they interact), which is why there aren't a lot of The Soup worthy moments, and why everything is infinitely more tolerable. Since it's a commercial, there are no commercials to dramatically cut away to, and that's all right.
2. Mix the nerds and the beautiful people. You have a diverse group with obsessive players, sexy people and rock star wannabes who try their hand at the real thing and chronicle all their exploits in a blog. Heh. Losers.

Episode 2
Sebastian Bach was the frontman of Skid Row. I don't listen to 80s hair metal, so that excuses my ignorance.
0:00-0:30- Same BS as before, recap of last episode
0:38-ROCK BAND TO THE STAAAAAAAAARS!!!
0:45- ICP man does another sweet flip and reinstates what I said earlier.
1:04- "Wow, WE GET TO PLAY FOR SEBASTIAN BACH AND ALICE COOPER. You play guitar and your mom's walkin' in and she's like, you want some lasagna?" Man I wish The Soup got on this.
1:10-1:20- 2nd challenge: Two teams of five. One can see, the rest blindfolded, the rest have to make their way to each platform representing a city and play "Go Your Own Way".
1:30- One of the chicks is wearing a bra as a top like that lady in Seinfeld.
1:35- THIS CHALLENGE REPRESENTS THE ONLINE TOUR MODE, A BRAND NEW FEATURE OF ROCK BAND 2.
1:50- AND YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY YOUR BRAND NEW WIRELESS INSTRUMENTS
3:46- One team rocked, the other sucked.
4:18- Asian girl kicked off (she didn't really get the challenge in the first place) and Sebastian Bach smashes her "guitar"

FINAL VERDICT: More shilling. Bach seems more into it than Cooper. Again, more, "Bitch, you out". The premise can't even fill half-hour slots, so the five minute

Episode 3
0:38- ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAAARS!!! Thank you, Phil from Accounting. By the way, those licensing budgets need to be on my desk by 4.
0:44- I love how everyone just "happens" to be playing when Stryker walks in.
1:16- 3rd challenge- 3 teams. They team up with OLD PEOPLE!!!
1:45- LUCKILY THEY'RE PLAYING ON ROCK BAND 2'S NO FAIL MODE!!
2:36- Old person #1 does pretty well, actually
2:59- Old person #2 inaudibly mumbles the song
3:29- Old person #3 doesn't even sing, just kind of bounces. In other words, it took a reality show to tell us that really old people suck at video games.
4:20- Bach: "Cab Calloway, today it's Cab GoAway" Aw, did he come up with that all by himself.
4:29- And Cab smashes his own guitar.

FINAL VERDICT: HA HA OLD PEOPLE!!! I'm surprised part of the challenge was to listen to their Depression Era stories. But they're keepin' it quick and painless.

Episode 4
0:36- PHIL FROM ACCOUNTING DID WE SECURE THE COCA COLA DEAL YEEEEEEEEET? I mean, ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAAAARS!!!
0:58- Two teams of 4, playing Ace Of Spades.
1:05- ICP Man has an Ace Of Spades on his face. Clever
1:11- Stryker: "There's a catch, with ROCK BAND 2's BATTLE OF THE BANDS MODE YOU CAN PLAY ANY BAND IN THE WORLD!!!" Seriously, The Soup, get on this.
1:27- HOLY CRAP, HAL SPARKS! Speak of the devil! (Hal Sparks used to host The Soup's predecesseor, Talk Soup)
1:58- Douche.
2:48- Nerdy, Heavy and Asian sings and actually does well.
2:59- "Is it pleasing to listen to him? No"
3:23-Both bands blow away Hal.
4:25- Hot girl goes home, face paint guy stays

FINAL VERDICT: I CAN PLAY AGAINST ANYONE IN THE WORLD? EVEN HAL SPARKS? WOW... Phhbt...

Episode 5
0:35- ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAAARS!!! Thanks Phil. Say, did you sign up for the company basketball league? Accounting could really use you as a point guard.
0:41- I can't tell the difference between Stryker's voice when talking normally, and when it's being dubbed over.
1:01- They don't have the Rock N' Roll Look? They do have a point, as I see a distinct lack of skinny jeans and messenger hats.
1:13- YOU'RE GONNA FLIP THROUGH THE ROCK BAND 2 OFFICIAL ROCK SHOP, THEY GOT MORE ACCESORIES AND CLOTHES THEN EVER!!
1:29- They play dress up.
1:30- "They do have fishnets!" THANK GOD!!
1:43- Facepaint Guy is the first to go after the skinny jeans, and I quote "Almost castrated [himself] on them."
1:45- "I'm not going to be able to have kids after this" Darwin? Is that you?
2:17- Cooper and Bach pick the bands. Jewphin doesn't need a band. His solo carrer as a physicist thank God this is almost over.
2:24- Facepaint guy on bass for Coop- WOW that wig is ridiculous.
2:33- Hot chicks on drums and guitar
2:50- Down to the two nerds. How will they decide?
3:03- A HEAD TO HEAD SCORE DUEL COURTESY OF THE ROCK BAND 2s COMPLETELY ORIGINAL SCORE DUEL MULTIPLAYER MODE.
3:04- Judas Priest's "Painkiller", the only hard song all competition.
4:02- Nerd that used to have glasses wins.
4:13- "Even though I got eliminated, I'm still gonna play Rock Band. I'm gonna go home and keep on doing Rock Band 2, and HAVE FUN WITH IT." BECAUSE ROCK BAND 2 IS A FUN GAME.

FINAL VERDICT: Eh, kinda pointless. Again, if they wanted the focus to be on the game, then show more footage of them playing the game, but then again, reality show.

Finale
FINALLY
0:21- Watch as the two bands COLLIDE IN AN EPIC BATTLE OF ROCK BAND 2 FOR ROCK BAND 2 SUPREMACY.
0:33- ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAAARS! Phil, you've been stealing office supplies? No, I don't care if you're wife left you, YOU'RE FIRRRRED!
1:08- Whichever bands performs the best in ROCK BAND 2 at THE WORLD FAMOUS VIPER ROOM gets open on the ROCK BAND LIVE TOUR for DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL AND PANIC AT THE DISCO.
1:21- The judges: Some DJ I've never heard of, some writer I've never heard of, and DIO!!! How'd they rope him into this?
1:49- Sebastian Bach With A Vengence is up first with "Hello There".
3:03- DJ I've never heard of: "Your singer could really make a living out of this!" Reality TV or singing?
3:15- Alice Cooper's First Blood with "Pinball Wizard"
3:47- Alice Cooper cannot look anymore bored
4:06- NO! HIS WIIIIG!
4:25- Judges deliberate. Looks scripted. Dio says nothing.
5:00- Sebastian Bach wins.
5:13- "I'm opening for Dashboard, I'm opening for Panic! I'm so stoked"
5:46- ROCK BAND 2 AVAILBLE NOW.

FINAL VERDICT: I feel sorry for Alice Cooper. He looked like he didn't want to be there. But Sebastian was kinda getting into it. Maybe because he's been in less commercials and cameos and stuff, he has more energy to do it.

FINAL FINAL VERDICT: While not being an entire show (i.e. 30-60 min ecah episode), it was kept quick and (almost) painless, but it could have filled an hour special and be a bit more satisfying, showing more people kicking ass at the game. However, by keeping it so short, it isn't focused on gameplay, just the game. This is every episode of RB2:TS in a nutshell.

-Recap of last episode
-ROCK BAND 2 THE STAAAARS! (Courtesy of Phil from Accounting)
-Stryker: You're going to do some challenge based on COMPLETELY ZOMG AMAZING NEW FEATURE FROM ROCK BAND 2, THE VIDEO GAME.
-*30 seconds of gameplay*
-Alice and Sebash kick a guy off.

I think the difference is that with the Rock Band Mockumentary, the premise didn't lend itself to "Hey guys, we're going to play Rock Band", it was a parody with a band that played Rock Band and everyone treated them like a real band. It was an ad, but it was still a complete show. Not that it was very good, but other than the pre-commercial cuts, it wasn't a blatant advertisement.

TL;DR: Prize sucked, premise whatever, Phil from Accounting is trying to jump of a ledge outside my house. (runs)

God Damn It, Activision, You're Killing Me!

You're sticking a little knife in my heart AND KILLING ME...

December 23
Hinder - "Use Me" (single)
Nickelback - "Because of You" (single) <--- DAMN IT!!!
Rev Theory's "Light It Up" (single)

On the other hand...

January 15 - Travis Barker Track Pack
Blink 182 - "What's My Age Again"
+44 - "Lycanthrope"
Flo-Rida w/Travis Barker - "Low (Travis Barker remix)"

That and for some reason my wrist is messed up. Curse you "Creep" and your bar chords! CURSE YOU YOU GODDAMN SWINE!

Weekend Of Hell: Friday

Hey, you know how I decided to call this three-day clusterfuck a "Weekend Of Hell"? My fretting wrist ain't feeling so hot, and my guitar's high E-string is broken.

HOWEVER!

There is still work to be done! That I can do! I have Power Tabs! And...uh... lightning...! And...Team Fortress 2! For those of you who mysteriously stumbled upon my site, this is being posted in that weird time at night where I'm just starting to feel creative and ready for hard work, but I'm also feeling a little sleepy.

Last weekend I came with a good riff to work around, sort of AC/DC-ish. I have some ideas, I'll plug them in Power Tabs, see how they come out. Hopefully my hand is feeling better tomorrow and I have a chance to go to a music shoppe. I could plug in the Rock Band drumset for the Drum Fills, and testing it out Hammerhead first.

So I guess tonight it's just working on lyrics. Time to get...uh...inspired...



I'm good to dri- what? BOOM HEADSHOT!